Discerning

Gustav blew in and raised the dust of my somewhat confused state of existence. It also allowed for some serious downtime; time to reflect on priorities. And then, my mother sent me the book "Mister Rogers Talks With Parents."

Fred Rogers is a big hero of mine. I had the fortune of interviewing him once and he is the real deal. In the first chapter of his book, he writes "There are reasons why close and consistent mothering are very beneficial to a baby's growth, but it is the mother's growth I want us to think about here."

And then, he quotes from educator Eda LeShan, who writes about regretting going to work full-time when her child was very small. "There are few decisions that I now regret more. Not for my child's sake, but for mine. She had much to teach me about wonder and curiosity, about joy and loving--and most of all about the refreshment of play. I wasn't mature enough to see that. What I could not comprehend was that when she left home at eighteen, I would be as vigorous as ever and have at least another twenty-five years of creative work ahead of me."

Wow. Here, I have been so focused on my feelings of stucktitude, my sadness over watching the news world pass me by, my regret at all the things I have been missing out on--not to say I feel this way all the time, but these feelings do come in strong waves. And I have never stopped to think that maybe I will regret it if I don't completely immerse myself in this very rich, fertile experience.

All I know is when that hurricane hit and it was tend to a deadline or tend to these two little people whose souls are rooted in mine, the choice was clear. I couldn't think beyond these kids and I loved sinking into that responsibility and letting it shape me. It has shaken me to my core.