It's been 13 months since a single word of my writing has been published, but 3 weeks ago my editor called me and asked me to come out of retirement. Not retirement, really, but mommy-tirement. Charlotte is 10 months old. Ryan will be 3 in October. I stopped writing professionally when I was expecting Charlotte. The constant word churning was wearing me down, and I said more than once that I was tired of working two jobs, balancing diapers and deadlines, having to keep Ryan quiet while I phoned CEOs and celebrities. But when that call from my editor came, it was like the heavens were giving me a ring. Without realizing it, I'd slumped into a haze. At first it was pleasant. Then it felt lonely. I didn't even realize how much I missed my writing until I did my first interview back on the beat. It was like opening a window. I could breathe.
I know how politically incorrect this is, of course. I firmly believe in attachment parenting, the philosophy of mommying and daddying that is pretty much how it sounds. Make the child an appendage. Wear her. Nurse her. Birth her naturally. Sleep curled around her. Put her first. It makes a lot of sense. I have been up for the challenge with both of my children, and we will continue on that path. But to keep it up, I have to be able to breathe. And that's what writing is for me.
So I thought that I'd start this blog to chronicle my process. Mostly for me and those who are close to me. But who knows? Maybe there are others out there who are doing the juggling act, not just working with words but with numbers, paint, wood, paper. The question here--and I'd love to talk to anyone who has figured out the answer--is how do you be fully present in your own life and in the lives of your family? Is it unrealistic to expect that you could do both? Is it really in the face of feminism to think of your children as part of you? Is it really in the face of holistic parenting to want to chase down a plum interview or write through the night?
Let's discover this.
2 comments:
Isn't the goal of feminism to ensure that you have the choice to find a balance that suits you and your family?
I've got a friend who is currently raging against the expectations of her friends, and to a lesser extent her family and own socialization. She just finished a M.A. degree, but what everyone wants to know is when she's getting married and why she doesn't have an immediate prospect. She's 23 years old.
While not Southern Baptist, she got a full ride at a Southern Baptist school as an undergraduate, which was strong on indoctrination. Explaining what she's up against, she wrote:
"The truth is, the atmosphere at the aforementioned undergraduate institution drills girls into thinking that if they spend their lives unmarried, they are failures in the sight of the Church and of God Himself. It is all well and good to have your bachelor’s degree, but ultimately you must get married and have lots of children to raise in the sight of the Lord – little Christian soldiers. I had a roommate my first year of college whose boyfriend told her – and I quote – 'As long as you can make love, make dinner, and make babies, everything will be all right.' And this fellow was revered as a fine, upstanding Christian man! Frankly, the idea that this is all that awaits me makes my stomach churn. And yet, no matter how hard I kick and scream against it, it always lurks there in the shadows."
You're being true to yourself as a feminist, as a mother, as a wife, as a person when you by trying to do what's right for all of you, including yourself. I don't usually go all existentialist, but the existentialist notion of the authentic self as something transcending societal typecasting has value.
Any ways, I'm glad to hear you're finding renewed purpose/happiness/meaning in working again. That you are suggests that it's the right thing for you now.
Welcome to the blogosphere!
Yes, you can do this, and you should. If writing is a calling, or at minimum, a sanity saver, then you should do it. It's a weird transition to go from writing professionally to blogging about personal content (or somewhere in between), but it's well worth the journey.
I can't wait to see your posts!
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