Well, if I am going to do this writing thing, I recently realized, I guess I've got to find a babysitter.
As I embark on the hunt, I admit to having a serious ping pong of feelings. Everything from guilt to fear to joy to wonder to number crunching. The thing about freelance work is that there's always a lag between the work you do and the cash coming in. Then there's the fact that Charlotte is still nursing and has never stayed with anyone except family.
I keep falling into an either/or dichotomy. Either I work and my kids are with others or I stay home and feel cut off from myself and the rest of the world. Isn't this the kind of thinking that has betrayed so many women in the workplace anyway? Why can't it be and, and and? Without the burnout that comes with believing you can have it all?
Luckily, Ryan goes to mother's day out twice a week and is thriving. So I will probably end up hiring a nice sitter to come stay with Charlotte a few hours a week while Ryan is in school.
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