New Post, Finally!

I didn't want to close out the New Year without a post. This has been a splendid holiday season, the best ever. One thing that having children has taught me is that you can learn to be happy without going anywhere or spending any money. That wasn't entirely the case with this family this year, but I feel I have learned a lot about being happy without moving around, both physically and psychically, so much. When I think back on the past four years, I realize and celebrate just how far we have come as a family.

Four years ago, David and I packed up our car and drove to Tucson, Arizona, land of my past and of many mistakes. To put it in a nutshell, Tucson is where I went after I received my undergraduate degree. I had a difficult time in Tucson in my early 20's, all of which was a manifestation of poor decisions made on my part. From disappointing relationships to lack of direction, it was there where I experienced a real dark night of the soul. So returning to the seat of my angst was difficult. The fact that it is where my parents chose to retire makes it a place where the universe wants me to return over and over again. Which is probably a very healthy thing.

On that trip four years ago, I was lying in what used to be my grandfather's bedroom when what must have been the voice of God struck me and said, if not out loud than booming to my soul, "You must have a baby." This was very confusing, considering that David and I had long said we would not have children. We were truly looking forward to being retired young with lots of extra money and freedom to travel with and have a great time. When I announced to David what the angel of the Lord announced to me, he was very puzzled. A bit angry. A lot scared.

Several conversations later--you can pack a lot into a trip across Texas--David was on board, albeit he still thought I was pretty crazy. And then, two weeks later, we were pregnant with Ryan. Our life has bloomed ever since. And, based on our experience, I'll bet if you asked a flower if it was easy to get from bud to rose, it would tell you it was painful. But also joyous. And oh so worth it.

Now I look at Ryan and Charlotte, too, who came to us like laughter from the universe, and I am so profoundly humbled. They are truly good people. I can see it already. I think God has a lot to do with that, but I think the community we have built in the walls of our 1500-square foot home here in Baton Rouge has also played a significant role.

As I look forward to 2009, my intention is to be nice to David, Ryan, Charlotte, and myself, too. It sounds like such a trite, silly wish. But I mean to be genuinely kind to them, not just in terms of having nice manners but also of thinking gently when I am considering what I would like them to do, or be, or not do or not be. And remembering to speak to them with love and reverence for the unique, cool loving people they are. To see, when I look at them, the very best Ryan, Charlotte, and David; the people they are on the healthiest, most balanced day of their lives. And to always be grateful to each of them for showing me who I can be, even when I think I can't be or do anything.

Blessings to all of you this New Year's Eve. Namaste.